


It's Not Living

by TheNerdsPapers



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angel x reader - Freeform, Angst, Archangel - Freeform, Archangel x Reader, F/M, Language, Marvel - Freeform, Recovery, Warren Worthington III imagine, Warren Worthington III x Reader - Freeform, Warren worthington imagine, Warren worthington x reader - Freeform, Xmen, angel - Freeform, angel imagine, archangel imagine, marvel imagine, marvel x reader - Freeform, xmen imagine, xmen x reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-24 06:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17699021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdsPapers/pseuds/TheNerdsPapers
Summary: Warren struggles with his demons while trying to do better for the love of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You) by The 1975

"You know, you look kind of like Roger Taylor.”

“Ha ha, that’s very funny,” Warren scowled sarcastically. “I don’t see any fluffy wings on that guy.”

Y/n turned around in his arms, smiling as she ran her fingers through strands of his hair. “Maybe he just keeps them hidden. All we have to do is straighten your hair. You’ve already got the jacket.” A quick peck to his lips cracked his stoic expression. She squealed as he lunged forward, hugging her close to his chest as he pelted her face and neck with kisses.

“Is that your type then? Blondes in leather jackets?” He teased. She hummed noncommittally which turned into a soft whine once his warmth left.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m just going out for a bit. Do you need anything?” His wings began to droop at the sight of her frown. She knew his real intentions.

“Warren you promised…”

“I’m just going to get some air. See what’s going on out there, you know?” He avoided her disappointed gaze.

Y/n sighed, stepping forward to straighten his jacket. The feeling of feathers on her back pushed her forward even closer. “Just don’t stay out too long?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’ll be back soon.” Warren pressed a gentle kiss to her lips that she reluctantly returned before releasing her from his grasp.

The cool fresh air did little to quell the hollow feeling in his stomach that was growing. It wasn’t the feeling of hunger, he was used to that, but the feeling of guilt and disappointment in himself. That’s all his life seemed to be at the moment. He was disappointed in himself for getting wrapped up in the cage fighting. He was disappointed that he hadn’t managed to get himself and Y/n back on their feet. He was guilty for keeping her stuck in the rundown barn. He was guilty for putting her at risk by associating with him. He was disappointed and guilty for going against all his promises, for not being able to pull himself together for her sake.

The sound of raucous laughter and loud music pulled him from his thoughts. He squeezed his eyes shut, digging his nails into his palms. ‘You don’t need to do this, just keep walking’, he thought to himself. And he did keep walking, right in the door. He sat down at the bar in a seat tucked away from the rest. He barely noticed as he ordered and a drink was set in front of him.

One sip and warmth began to stir in his veins. Another sip and the edge of his guilt evaporated. A third and the uproar dulled slightly into a hum. All that he was left with were his thoughts, the one thing he wanted desperately to drown out. There he was, warm and comfortable while she was probably cold and miserable. His stomach knawed at him, she was probably hungry too. He watched him slide another bill over to the bartender. Money that could buy her food, maybe warmer clothes. The longer he stayed, the deeper the hole he dug. Why was he doing this? He should he out looking for some kind of job. He should be doing everything in his power to get them out of that drafty pile of rotten wood. ‘She’d be heartbroken if she knew where you were’, he thought in an amber stupor. ‘But then again, she should be used to it by now. Everything you’ve ever done has been a disappointment.’

Y/n jumped as Warren stumbled in the door. She rushed to his sided, immediately checking for injuries. She opened her mouth as if to question what had happened, but quickly closed it. The scent wafting off him was story enough.

“Why?” She asked simply. Her brow furrowed as he slumped sideways against the wall.

“What ‘r you talking about…?” He slurred, following the wall over to their makeshift bed on the ground.

Y/n followed him and reached out to turn him to face her. He shrugged her hand aside, his wings bristling slightly. “You can’t keep doing this, Warren.”

“Keep doin’ what? Drink? I’s not my fault. My brain won’ shut up.” His jaw clenched. “This’s the only thing that makes it stop.”

“Makes what stop?”

He shook his head before turning his back on her, wrapping his wings around himself protectively. “Nothing. Forget it.”

“Warren tell me,” she pleaded, jumping back as her vision was obscured by feathers.

“Don’ touch me!”

“I just want to help!”

“You can’t help me! No one can! All I can see’s their d’sgusting fazes. ‘Rip his heart out Angel’,” He spat. “You don’ know what’s like.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Y/n said gently, stepping back to give him space, “but there are others who do. We can get help.”

“Don’ need it.”

“If this keeps going on-”

“It doesn’t affect you.”

She couldn’t help but snort at that claim. “Yes, actually, it does. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re both broke, living in a rotted out barn, hidden on the outskirts of town.”

He fell silent, turning away from her. His wings lowered slightly, signaling the tension was slowly leaving his body and being replaced with guilt. “‘m sorry….”

“It’s not your fault-”

“Yes it is. Don’ try ‘n say s’not,” Warren mumbled. His body slumped, tired from the weight of his conscience. “S’my fault you’re stuck here. I should do better.”

“I chose to be here,” Y/n stepped toward him again and placed a hand to his jawline, turning him to face her. His eyes were ringed red with tears and exhaustion. “We can work through this. We’ll find a way out together, but first you need to stop doing this to yourself.”

He nodded, sniffing as he brought her into an embrace. “I’m sorry. I c’n stop. I promise I’ll stop.”

That wasn’t the first time he’d made a promise like that. His heart ached at how forgiving Y/n was. No matter how many times he’d slipped up, her belief in him never wavered. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve any of it. He’d been nothing but a nuisance, always picking fights, always creating more problems for the both of them. It would be better if he left. At least then she’d have a chance at a normal life.

He pulled himself up from his chair. The bar was beginning to empty as it grew later. Only those like him, those trying to drown their demons, remained, except for the few other late partiers. Their boisterous laughter was quieted as the door swung shut behind him. The night air was still cool, a slight nip warning of colder nights to come. He sighed as he imagined how awful winter would be in that barn. It could barely keep out the chill as it was. All the more reason to get her far away from him. It wasn’t something he wanted, not at all. His throat swelled shut at the thought. He loved her more than anything. She was the one light he had in a life of nothing but darkness. No one had ever trusted him or supported him like she had. There was no one he himself trusted more. He’d fight to the death to prevent her being torn from him, but that didn’t mean she should be with him. He knew she was always tired and hungry and cold. Living with him wasn’t living, it was just surviving.

He’d tried so many times to solve his problem. They didn’t have the money to get professional help, but that didn’t mean he didn’t do his best. He’d found books, but the advice they contained did little to actually help him. For awhile he did manage to stop drinking. He didn’t even look at the numerous bars around town, but eventually he cracked. A particularly rough day left him thinking of nothing but a glass of the sweet nectar of numbness.

Warren stumbled his way home, leaning heavily on the brick buildings lining the sidewalk. It was dark as few street lamps lit the way. He preferred it like that. No one would easily notice his wings and target him. His guard went up, however, as the sound of footsteps approached him.

“Warren?” Y/n walked up beside him before swinging his arm around her shoulders.

“What’re you doing?”

“I’m taking you home.”

They walked on in silence, Y/n occasionally adjusting her grip on the larger mutant. Eventually they reached the black form of their home. If it was dark before, it was even darker now, surrounded in the shadows cast by the trees. They still didn’t speak as she lead him inside and helped him get out of his dirtied clothes. He hugged her close on the worn out mattress they used as a bed.

“You c’n leave if you want,” he mumbled into her hair. “I won’ try to stop you. I know this isn’t living.”

She pulled back, stroking his blond curls away from his eyes. “Warren, it’s not living if it’s not with you. We’ll work through this together.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warren finally pulls himself together and manages to start putting his life in order. All it took was a little love and support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for this Tumblr anon, I didn’t know how badly I wanted to do a part 2 until I received your ask. Birb boy deserves his happiness, so let’s give it to him!

Recovery and change isn’t easy for anyone. Even with endless support that little voice telling you it isn’t enough comes back. In moments of silence and loneliness the hopelessness returns. Sometimes it feels like no matter how much you scramble for a hold, everything is just out of reach. It’s countless nights of tearstained sheets and hands grasping for skin, anything to feel some sort of human connection. It’s shaking and gasping as you cling to the shred of warmth and comfort you can glean from another's arms. When nothing is hiding or pushing away the darkness, it comes all at once, a stifling force.

However, digging out from whatever labyrinth you’ve found yourself lost in isn’t all stumbling blindly. There is the rare spark of light, a sign of some escape just around the corner.

Warren found these moments in the spaces between his thoughts. It was in the morning, when he’d wake up to the soft sunlight peeking in the cracks in the roof. He’d frown as he remembered he still needed to patch those closed. A quiet breath would draw his focus away, directing it toward the sleeping form beside him. Y/n’s hair was a tangled mess, obscuring half of her face. A minute later he smiled to himself as she woke with a whine. Her arms stretched out, revealing a sliver of skin where her shirt rode up.

“What are you looking at bird boy?” She grumbled, rubbing her eyes before blinking blearily.

“You,” he hummed. His voice was still gravely with sleep.

“Yeah, well it’s not much of a sight.”

“I beg to differ.”

Y/n snorted and swung the blanket off her. A shiver ran through her from the cold. “It’s freezing.”

“Then maybe you should stay here,” Warren said with a smirk. She rolled her eyes at his suggestion, but let out a squeal as his hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her back into bed. “You won’t be cold with me.”

“We need to get the roof fixed.” She cuddled into his side before he drew the blankets back over them both. A contented quiet fell over their secure bubble. Neither noticed as they dozed off again.

That afternoon found Warren clambering onto the roof of the barn. It would have been easier to fly, but after the accident in the cages that was easier said than done. A cold wind buffeted him, causing him to draw his jacket tighter around himself. He peeked over the edge of the roof and reached a hand down.

“Alright, you can pass one up.”

Y/n lifted an old board they had found in a pile tucked away in the corner of the barn as high as she could reach. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do for awhile. “Do you want me to toss a couple more up there?”

“No, I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” he called back, mumbling around the nails clasped between his lips. He glanced down as she tucked her hair behind her ear. How was it that even when she looked a total mess from the wind she was still so beautiful? The hammer came down right on his finger as he was lost in thought. He hissed, sucking on the injury.

“Hey, you might want to be careful!” Y/n cried, her head tossed back in laughter.

“It’s not funny, that fucking hurt,” he leered. His hammer came down twice as hard on the next couple of nails.

“Sorry, but the irony of it all!” She wiped away a few tears before passing up another board.

Soon enough the shoddy patch up was finished and the pair stepped back to observe their work. Warren wrapped his wings around them to shield them from the wind. “I don’t think I did such a bad job.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, not bad for a rich kid,” Y/n teased, bumping his shoulder. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the door. “It’s cold, let’s go inside.”

The door shut with a clap, prompting Warren to seal it shut as it hung slightly off its hinges. “I think I need to fix this next.”

She handed him a mug of hot water. “Yeah, if we can figure out a way to fix it. Sorry about the drink, we’re kind of out of anything to put in it.”

He nodded, sighing as the warmth settled in his stomach. “About that, I was thinking about looking for a job in town. What do you think?”

“It’s up to you. Where were you looking?”

“Last time I was in town there was a place looking for a new bartender. It would make pretty good money and I could still help out around here during the day.”

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea?” She asked with a pointed look.

His stance shifted as he avoided her gaze. “I mean it’s the best option, right? It-it would pay well-”

“I don’t care about the money, Warren!” She snapped, causing him to jump. “I’m sorry. I don’t care about the money, I care about you. I don’t want you putting yourself under all that stress just so we have money.”

‘She’s right, you can’t do it,’ a small voice in his head echoed. “It’ll be okay, I can do it. Besides, it’s not like I don’t already know the stuff pretty well. They’d hardly need to train me,” he chuckled halfheartedly, breaking off at her frown.

“You don’t need to do this, there are others places to work.”

He let out a sigh before walking over to her and pulling her into his chest. His wings wrapped around her back as an added comfort. “I know, but I really think this will be good for the both of us. Maybe this is what I need to get over it. Sure, it’ll be hard sometimes, but what isn’t in our life?”

“Our life?”

“Yeah, we’re together in this, remember?”

~

The door slammed shut behind Warren as the wind pushed him inside. He slid off his coat, shaking the snow off as the flakes melted on his blond curls. “It’s kind of chilly outside,” he laughed breathlessly.

“It’s a good thing we got the door fixed then,” Y/n smiled, striding over to him and pecking his lips. “It’s a good thing we don’t need to fix it ourselves too.”

Warren hummed his agreement as he followed her into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter, watching her dance around as she finished fixing up dinner. “What are you making?”

“The store had a bunch of vegetables that were ‘going bad’, but we both know that’s bullshit, so I got them on sale. Thought I’d make soup. How was work?”

“Exhausting as always,” he shrugged. He snatched a carrot from the tray before she noticed. “That same group of drunks never stop coming.”

“That’s funny coming from you,” Y/n joked.

“Hey, I haven’t touched a drop in months!” He exclaimed.

She chuckled, placing a kiss on his cheek before sliding a bowl of the steaming soup in front of him. “I know and I’m proud of you.”

His heart lifted at those words. She was proud and that made it all worth it. He was proud of himself, too. He’d managed to get a job, hired on the spot actually, and quickly soared to the top. They had a warm home with running water and electricity that didn’t short out randomly. Neither of them could remember the last time they’d gone to bed hungry.

It had been a long and difficult road, but things were finally what one might consider ‘okay’. Of course there were moments that he second guessed himself and the dark thoughts came back, but the good outweighed the bad. He had the love and support of someone he’d do anything for, and that made all the difference.


End file.
